CASE HISTORY 13
Name: Sanjay
DOB: 1965
Sex: Male
Occupation: In 1991, Clerical officer at the Ministry of Environment and land use.
Complaints:
- Timid, shy, fearful; Avoiding socializing; Lack of ambition
- Extreme, pathological self-consciousness
- Fear of other’s opinions or criticism; Judging himself or herself by what people might say or think.
- Panic attacks
- Hyperhydrosis
Past History:
- Feeling of neglect by family, since young.
- Difficulty during primary and secondary school.
- No support from family and friend circles.
- Difficulty to cope in public situations.
Treatment History
Patient went for treatment to some psychiatrist, to no avail.
Prognosis
The prognosis is quite reserved in such cases. The person needs someone with a strong personality for support and advice. He needs guidance to restructure his whole life. There is danger of the patient going deeper and deeper into depression and ultimately ending up either in mental hospital or committing suicide.
DISCUSSION
From his letter it is clear patient was aware about his problem. He had tried various methods to remedy the situation, to no avail.
The salient features of this case were:
- Lack of self-confidence.
- Lack of self-esteem or self-worth.
- Hyperhydrosis
- Depression
- Lack of self confidence.
Lack of self confidence may stem from negative experiences and encounters. It hinders one in becoming successful and living a fulfilling life.
Self confidence is the perception of oneself where one neither thinks too highly of oneself nor despises oneself. It is acknowledging one’s strengths and weaknesses. It is the fine thread between pride and self condemnation. If this balance tips, one can either end up being vain and arrogant, or extremely timid person lacking self confidence!
Those who suffer from lack of self confidence may show: Lack courage to take any kind of initiative, being afraid of failure; Fear of other’s opinions or criticism; Avoiding socializing; Judging himself or herself by what people say and think and seeking people’s approval; Inability to take decisions for oneself, panicking and getting overwhelmed when decisions are required in life
Lack of self confidence stems from insecurity triggered by several factors. The years of childhood are the molding years in a person. This case shows a typical example of a dysfunctional childhood giving rise to an adult with depression and self condemnation.
“I’m Sanjay. I am 26 yrs old and am a clerical officer at the Ministry of Environment and land use. My family is made up of eleven members comprising of 3 sisters, 6 brothers, my father and a step mother.”*
“Since very young, I was never good at anything. My friends always put me aside and considered me as a ‘vaut-à-rien’(French, good for nothing). Whenever there was a game going on like football, marbles, hide & seek etc, my participation was a very passive one, without any importance and as such I always got the impression that I was really not good at anything. Even my elder brothers did nothing to remedy the situation and left me aside. At school also, it was the same scenario. I was never a bright student and my classmates always laughed at me and teased me. Consequently I turned out to be a very lonely, timid, shy and fearful person. I am always afraid to confront people and always hesitate to embark on any new activity.”*
Lack of parental love and attention, neglect, could cause the child to have inferiority complexes. Constant quarrels may cause the child to think he or she is somehow responsible for all problems. This may end up in self condemnation. The child grows up being a timid person, unable to face the world with confidence. Lack of self confidence in children may result from abuse or neglect.
Everyone was lost in himself in the large family. Everyone had to cope for himself. There was no interaction with other family members. This led to isolation of the subject. The wounds caused by neglect, as in the present case, leave marks on their lives. They avoid making friends and remain aloof because of low self esteem.
“One thing which has always disturbed me and made me unhappy is that my parents have never bothered about my studies, except my grandmother who is no more in this world. They just sent me to school and that’s all. They had never bothered to know which subjects I was studying and was progressing. Besides, no one ever guided me as to which field I should choose and study. I had to do it all by myself. Even when I passed S.C and H.S.C, it happened to be a no-event in the family. And then came the time when I had to find a job which I obtained after a year.”*
The mother plays a crucial role in a child’s upbringing and her love nurtures the little ones, allowing them to blossom into wonderful human beings. In the present case there was a step mother who never bothered about him, nor the father.
“I lost my mother when I was 3 years old and I got a stepmother a year after. Since childhood, I have always been neglected by one and all. To begin with, I have never known what is real love and affection. In fact I’ve never got any maternal (or paternal) love and affection and I’ve always been left on my own. Moreover the relationships with my sisters and brothers was never as it should be and I was always neglected (at least I felt so). As for my father, he never cares for anything.”*
“Yes, life for me seems to be a hardship. I just have got to fight hard for my survival. I have always been neglected and never cared for. Even today, though I have sisters and brothers, a mother and a father, I feel as if I am alone. I even have to take out my own food, re-iron my clothes and prepare my own bread for work. At home I barely talk to anybody. Living in such an entourage coupled with a serious psychological problem (blushing and sweating heavily almost everywhere) has pulled me down in a permanent depressive state. Very long ago I was a very ambitious man. I wanted to study further at management level and to live a very happy and joyful life. But now all my dreams have been shattered away and I don’t feel like doing anything apart from work, eat and sleep.”*
Lack of self confidence leads to increased stress and depression, even ending up with mental illnesses. The person is always ruminating on his or her weaknesses, and may end up with suicidal tendencies. Using medications like anti-depressants will not solve the problem. They do not serve as long term answers. They might at most temporarily stabilise the person. The root problem is not solved.
Dealing with lack of self confidence can help keep all unwanted disorders at bay. A friend, an elder or a counselor can share the sorrow and help find relief by advising the person. One should allow the person to do what he/she likes. Setting realistic goals will help boost self confidence. Explain that lack of self confidence is not an irreversible process and help to uproot any kind of stumbling blocks that prevent the person from enjoying and living life to the full by focusing on successes.
- Lack of self esteem
Lack of self worth, self esteem and self confidence is a contributing factor to the increased vulnerability of developing depression or anxiety. While on its own it might not lead to these disorders, it can certainly aggravate an existing inclination towards the negative.
“Well, after 26 years of existence, I must say that I don’t have much to say about myself, if not that life for me is very boring and difficult. One thing which has always characterised my life is that I am always lonely and confined in my own shell.”*
Failure should be viewed as a learning process. The lack confidence in one’s ability might lead to experience failure as a complete and closed circuit. This may lead to feelings of despair, and a dangerous loss of enthusiasm for life.
Anxiety disorder usually starts in young age. If one lacks the basic foundation of a healthy self esteem and enough self confidence, one may decide to doubt one’s ability to successfully meet the challenges of the adult world. A low self esteem can lead to the constant fear of not being able to handle situations vital to succeed in any job. Fear of unemployment may then lead to despair and depression. The patient felt he was the focus of all the women in his department and thus felt extremely self conscious. He could not leave the job he had managed to get after looking around for one whole year.
“Before setting foot in the world of work, I must acknowledge that I had never been psychologically disturbed by other people and my surroundings. However, I was certainly a very timid, shy and reserved person always keeping a certain distances from girls and such embarrassing situations. It’s only when I obtain a job at Floreal Knitwear that my life slowly started to turn out into a nightmare. I was put to work in a section of women where pullovers were cut into cardigans and marked to fix buttons. At that time I felt so uneasy and ashamed that I could not stand a moment working among those women. It was in fact the first time in my life that I experienced such feelings and I felt so embarrassed that I got the impression that I was the pole of observation.”*
The belief in one’s ability to meet challenges and grow from experience is essential for a wholesome life. Trouble and problems need to be overcome in order to develop as a human being. When enthusiasm for life is lost due to failures and a lack of self confidence, one may start to sink into the darkness of anxiety, depression and inactivity.
- Hyperhidrosis
Hyperhidrosis is frequent or constant excessive sweating. Sweating is the body’s mechanism to cool itself. In most circumstances, it’s both natural and healthy. But some people sweat in amounts greater than needed to cool the body, a condition called hyperhidrosis. Hyperhidrosis can either be generalized or localized to specific parts of the body. Nervousness or excitement can exacerbate the situation for many sufferers. The patients get nervous because they sweat, then sweat more because they are nervous.
“And that was the time when I cracked and certain physical manifestations started to occur. Whenever I entered that damn section, I blushed so intensely that I could feel the blood rushing to my face and at the same time a tension would envelope me culminating with heavy sweating. This phenomenon occurred to me almost everyday and I could do nothing to prevent that from happening. One thing which I deeply regret today is that I should have left the job but I didn’t.”*
Hyperhidrosis can be distressing. Besides disrupting normal daily activities, hyperhidrosis can cause social and emotional consequences, anxiety or embarrassment.
Hyperhidrosis can have devastating emotional effects on one’s individual life. People may have trouble working or enjoying recreational activities. They may become withdrawn due to self-consciousness. Many routine tasks become impossible chores. This can psychologically drain the sufferer. Relaxation techniques, yoga, meditation or biofeedback may help the patient learn to control the stress that triggers perspiration.
- Depression
Depression is a common but serious illness. It needs treatment to get better but many people with a depressive illness never seek treatment. When a person has a depressive disorder, it interferes with his daily life and causes pain for both the patient and those who care about him or her.
Many people suffer in silence or are ashamed or afraid to seek help, others downplay the severity of their symptoms. Thoughts about death or suicide are common in depression, and it is important to take such thoughts seriously.
“After the birth of my enemy, so to speak, I was being attacked only at work and life still appeared to be wonderful outside working hours. But day by day, the problem accentuated and it started to occur to me almost everywhere among my friends, in the bus and such other places where I had to confront people. Today I have been so harassed by this problem that I have lost all confidence in myself and life has become so difficult for me that I am always in a depressive state. Moreover, I can’t concentrate in anything and I don’t derive any pleasure or appreciation for anything. In fact I am just living uselessly without any ambition or aim for the future.”*
The most common treatments are medication and psychotherapy. However, medication may have side effects in some people.
“Presently I am working as a clerical officer at the Ministry of Environment and land use. Fortunately for me, this new environment (and the good job) has brought some hope (relief?) for me in life. I have decided to fight for survival and achieve certain goals that would allow me to enjoy life at its maximum. But day by day I feel discouraged by my problem which has become worst and I really don’t know how to get rid of it. Some time back I consulted a psychiatrist who gave me a lot of medicines to take but afterwards I could not afford to continue with the treatment and when I finally abandoned it, my condition has become worst and only God knows how I am able to cope with life. I sometimes wonder what the hell of a life I am living.”*
Effects of Yoga and Meditation
After initiation, Sanjay was advised to come daily for meditation. He was made to meditate for 1-2 hours daily at the ashram. In the beginning, after just 1-2 weeks, he was more at ease whether alone or in the presence of the other meditators, some 50 or more.
Yoginiji made him understand that if he develops a positive attitude he will have the capacity to get over his problems. Meditation will help in the process. Meditation would spontaneously take him to a superconscious level, cut off from the sense world of fears and desires and its attendant problems. The inflow of prana went to replenish the energy stock which had been depleted by years of frustration and failure.
The discipline involved in meditation helped. He had to come and sit daily for 1-2 hours after work. He had to meditate daily at home too. He was encouraged to speak out freely about his fears and apprehensions and was advised about possible solutions. Previously, he was recoiled upon himself, unwilling to communicate and extremely shy and self conscious. To help him open up he was served some tea and light snacks. That would trigger him off.
He was gradually made to face his problem. Among others he came to understand that lack of self confidence is not an irreversible process. He should try to uproot any kind of stumbling blocks that prevent him from enjoying and living life to the full by focusing on successes rather than failures. Above all, he should believe in his ability to meet challenges and grow from experience. This is the essence of a wholesome life.
In the presence of Yoginiji, there was no sweating anymore. However in public, his problem still used to recur. He was advised to take it easy. Sooner or later it will decrease, to finally stop. It did gradually decrease and within 3 months he was normal. He had recovered his self confidence.
“Fortunately enough for me that I have come to join your ashram. It’s almost 3 months now since my initiation and I must confess at once that there has certainly been a change in the way I feel and I am slowly beginning to be hopeful for a positive life. Though I still have to confront my psychological problem I feel as if meditation is helping me to fight back the negative effects of my depression and to be hopeful for a better tomorrow. After each meditation session, I feel very cool and relaxed and it’s with a great sense of pride and well being that I leave the Ashram, but this sensation does not last for long and vanishes after a very short period. However, I am fully convinced that siddha yog meditation will show me the path of righteousness and will land me at the right shore. I am most grateful to you Sadguru Mata and Swamiji for your kind help to take me out from my dilemma. I would never forget all the time that you devote to me, trying to explain to me the values of a disciplined life and the essence of meditation. I bow my head very low to salute you and to express my deep respect and devotion to you Sadguru Maa and to you Swamiji without forgetting Jet.”*
Yoginiji made him understand life would follow its course, whether we like it or not. It is for us to adjust. With enthusiasm and vision one should focus on the important things and progress.
He had become a responsible adult and ready to face life’s experiences and its exigencies. Relationship at home and at work improved. He was no longer depressive. On the contrary, he was more at ease with colleagues, with a higher sense of self esteem.
Yoginiji reminded him that when at secondary school he could on his own study and obtain good results. Why should he not take up higher studies again and renew with his ambition and aim at the highest result?
“When I joined a secondary school for further studies (this was some kind of ‘exploit’ because all my other brothers & sisters failed CPE and left school). I was particularly impressed by a student when I was in form IV. He was very bright and was really good in all subjects. Furthermore, he was adored by all teachers and they used him as an example of a hard worker. This gave me some kind of a force which compelled me to take up my studies seriously and since then I neglected all my social activities and set myself to study hard. Though I had a very low I.Q, I fought very hard to win a place for S.C & H.S.C classes, so much so that it’s only after a lot of sacrifices and hard work that I succeeded to pass S.C and H.S.C (S.C grade I with 17 aggregate and H.S.C with 2 principals). To obtain this result, I slept for only 6 hrs daily and devoted all the rest of my time learning and memorising my courses so as to be able to compete with my other classmates and achieve good results for the exams. By doing so, I became so engrossed in my studies that I forgot that there was a social life apart from study and today I feel that I have lost a vital part of my adolescence, a time when I had to learn so many social things and to enjoy. Nevertheless, I also realise that had I not cut off from my social activities I would not have passed H.S.C and secure a good job.”*
He did so and could even participate in a competitive exam for a higher post and succeeded. He was selected for the post of Income Tax officer. This involved a lot of contact with members of the public. His problem was long forgotten. He could deal with the new situation as any normal person. He slowly regained his taste for living. He regained his appetite and put on weight. He was no longer lean, undernourished and haggard looking. He continued his part time studies and graduated from the University of Mauritius. He was appointed to a senior post in the Ministry of Commerce as Enforcement Officer. Today as part of his duties he has to appear on television to give information to the public.
Seeing him today, no one would ever guess that this handsome, healthy person had such a serious psychological problem which had almost left him a complete wreck. He was already something of a wreck when he came to the ashram, desperate and at wits’ end. Previous treatment had not taken into account his background, personality and environment. All these were discussed and taken into consideration when Yoginiji advised about his problems and their solution.
This holistic approach succeeded where other methods had failed. Along with meditation, he was constantly encouraged to open up and reach out. What he could not even imagine previously, he could now perform without difficulty. He could do so thanks to the additional prana accumulating through his regular meditation. Had he not been cured he would have ended up a complete wreck, in the mental hospital or committed suicide!
*Transcript of letter dated 30.04.91
I’m Sanjay. I am 26 yrs old and am a clerical officer at the Ministry of Environment and land use. My family is made up of eleven members comprising of 3 sisters, 6 brothers, my father and a step mother.
Well, after 26 years of existence, I must say that I don’t have much to say about myself, if not that life for me is very boring and difficult. One thing which has always characterised my life is that I am always lonely and confined in my own shell.
I lost my mother when I was 3 years old and I got a stepmother a year after. Since childhood, I have always been neglected by one and all. To begin with, I have never known what is real love and affection. In fact I’ve never got any maternal (or paternal) love and affection and I’ve always been left on my own. Moreover the relationships with my sisters and brothers was never as it should be and I was always neglected (at least I felt so). As for my father, he never cares for anything.
Since very young, I was never good at anything. My friends always put me aside and considered me as a ‘vaut-à-rien’. Whenever there was a game going on like football, marbles, hide & seek etc, my participation was a very passive one, without any importance and as such I always got the impression that I was really not good at anything. Even my elder brothers did nothing to remedy the situation and left me aside. At school also, it was the same scenario. I was never a bright student and my classmates always laughed at me and teased me. Consequently I turned out to be a very lonely, timid, shy and fearful person. I am always afraid to confront people and always hesitate to embark on any new activity.
When I joined a secondary school for further studies (this was some kind of ‘exploit’ because all my other brothers & sisters failed CPE and left school) I was particularly impressed by a student when I was in form IV. He was very bright and was really good in all subjects. Furthermore, he was adored by all teachers and they used him as an example of a hard worker. This gave me some kind of a force which compelled me to take up my studies seriously and since then I neglected all my social activities and set myself to study hard. Though I had a very low I.Q, I fought very hard to win a place for S.C & H.S.C classes, so much so that it’s only after a lot of sacrifices and hard work that I succeeded to pass S.C and H.S.C (S.C grade I with 17 aggregate and H.S.C with 2 principals). To obtain this result, I slept for only 6 hrs daily and devoted all the rest of my time learning and memorising my courses so as to be able to compete with my other classmates and achieve good results for the exams. By doing so, I became so engrossed in my studies that I forgot that there was a social life apart from study and today I feel that I have lost a vital part of my adolescence, a time when I had to learn so many social things and to enjoy. Nevertheless, I also realise that had I not cut off from my social activities I would not have passed H.S.C and secure a good job.
One thing which has always disturbed me and made me unhappy is that my parents have never bothered about my studies, except my grandmother who is no more in this world. They just sent me to school and that’s all. They had never bothered to know which subjects I was studying and was progressing. Besides, no one ever guided me as to which field I should choose and study. I had to do it all by myself. Even when I passed S.C and H.S.C, it happened to be a no-event in the family. And then came the time when I had to find a job which I obtained after a year.
Before setting foot in the world of work, I must acknowledge that I had never been psychologically disturbed by other people and my surroundings. However, I was certainly a very timid, shy and reserved person always keeping a certain distances from girls and such embarrassing situations. It’s only when I obtain a job at Floreal Knitwear that my life slowly started to turn out into a nightmare. I was put to work in a section of women where pullovers were cut into cardigans and marked to fix buttons. At that time I felt so uneasy and ashamed that I could not stand a moment working among those women. It was in fact the first time in my life that I experienced such feelings and I felt so embarrassed that I got the impression that I was the pole of observation. And that was the time when I cracked and certain physical manifestations started to occur. Whenever I entered that damn section, I blushed so intensely that I could feel the blood rushing to my face and at the same time a tension would envelope me culminating with heavy sweating. This phenomenon occurred to me almost everyday and I could do nothing to prevent that from happening. One thing which I deeply regret today is that I should have left the job but I didn’t.
After the birth of my enemy, so to speak, I was being attacked only at work and life still appeared to be wonderful outside working hours. But day by day, the problem accentuated and it started to occur to me almost everywhere among my friends, in the bus and such other places where I had to confront people. Today I have been so harassed by this problem that I have lost all confidence in myself and life has become so difficult for me that I am always in a depressive state. Moreover, I can’t concentrate in anything and I don’t derive any pleasure or appreciation for anything. In fact I am just living uselessly without any ambition or aim for the future.
Presently I am working as a clerical officer at the Ministry of Environment and land use. Fortunately for me, this new environment (and the good job) has brought some hope (relief?) for me in life. I have decided to fight for survival and achieve certain goals that would allow me to enjoy life at its maximum. But day by day I feel discouraged by my problem which has become worst and I really don’t know how to get rid of it. Some time back I consulted a psychiatrist who gave me a lot of medicines to take but afterwards I could not afford to continue with the treatment and when I finally abandoned it, my condition has become worst and only God knows how I am able to cope with life. I sometimes wonder what the hell of a life I am living.
Yes, life for me seems to be a hardship. I just have got to fight hard for my survival. I have always been neglected and never cared for. Even today, though I have sisters and brothers, a mother and a father, I feel as if I am alone. I even have to take out my own food, re-iron my clothes and prepare my own bread for work. At home I barely talk to anybody. Living in such an entourage coupled with a serious psychological problem (blushing and sweating heavily almost everywhere) has pulled me down in a permanent depressive state. Very long ago I was a very ambitious man. I wanted to study further at management level and to live a very happy and joyful life. But now all my dreams have been shattered away and I don’t feel like doing anything apart from work, eat and sleep.
Fortunately enough for me that I have come to join your ashram. It’s almost 3 months now since my initiation and I must confess at once that there has certainly been a change in the way I feel and I am slowly beginning to be hopeful for a positive life. Though I still have to confront my psychological problem I feel as if meditation is helping me to fight back the negative effects of my depression and to be hopeful for a better tomorrow. After each meditation session, I feel very cool and relaxed and it’s with a great sense of pride and well being that I leave the Ashram, but this sensation does not last for long and vanishes after a very short period. However, I am fully convinced that siddha yog meditation will show me the path of righteousness and will land me at the right shore. I am most grateful to you Sadguru Mata …for your kind help to take me out from my dilemma. I would never forget all the time that you devote to me, trying to explain to me the values of a disciplined life and the essence of meditation. I bow my head very low to salute you and to express my deep respect and devotion to you Sadguru Maa …without forgetting Jet.
Sanjay
30.04.91